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Alright. The general consensus is that it sucked. (FIRE THE THERAPIST!!) But it’s my head, and obviously it’s screwed up inside… Thanks for putting up with me…

Amanda

Bruises

I had several metaphorical bruises recently. They include, but are not limited to:

 1) Not eating enough

2) refusing food and/or eating smaller portions

3) weighing myself (a lot)

4) counting calories

If you were a certified therapist, and I were a patient who had enough money to pay a certified therapist, you would make me say WHY I chose to do those actions, when I knew they were wrong. Heck, my mom could ask me that for FREE!

Action 1) I chose to not eat enough because I had eaten more the previous day and felt full.

Action 2) I chose to refuse food and/or eating smaller portions because my mind said it wasn’t hungry, despite the protests from my stomach.

Action 3) I chose to weigh myself (a lot) because I wanted to see the numbers drop, my mind telling me I was fat, and I, believing that, weighed myself.

Action 4) I chose to count calories because I wanted to lose weight, because I felt fat and unloved and worthless.

Now the therapist would probably ask me how I would prevent the actions from reoccuring. I would tell this therapist that I could only weigh myself once a day, eat a little more each meal, and not look at the calories on food/packaging. 

The therapist would probably now tell me how to address the check.  :)

What do you think of my metaphorical therapy session? (and the fact that I keep using metaphors)

Amanda

I had a scrape

In the eyes of some, more like a giant gash… a downward, neverending spiral.  I’m 102 lbs and I’m 5 foot one or 5 feet tall. So far, I have only had four things to eat, and one doesn’t count. They are:

Small brownie

Small slice of Papa John’s cheese pizza

5 gum React (the mint kind)

Tall Strawberry Lemonade from Starbucks

I also went to the library and got books. Post Secret, Looks, Purge, and Rain.  My friend is writing a song about anorexia, and I’m helping her. She wants me to sing harmony on it too… :0

Hope you have a good day!

Love, Amanda

Wake up!

Good morning everyone! It looks like its going to rain and I’m really bummed about that.  I wanted to hit the pool! But I guess not. Pre-breakfast was five yogurt rasins from my grandma.  She sent me a late easter basket and there’s this huge (carton? box?) thing and another small snack pack.  Yummy! I’m hoping to go to Barnes and Noble to buy Jodi Picoult’s House Rules.  Has anyone read it? was it good?

Wii vs Scale: Scale wins by a vote of two zero! I’ll still use the wii for exercise though, just not weight. 

Thanks to Hedda my lunch yesterday was scrambled egg w/ cheese and toast. Yummy! Thanks, Hedda!

<3 Amanda

Oh and if you want to, check out the song “genevieve” by outcast youth. Its about an anorexic girl and its really chilling.

PARTAY!

I’ve been to three parties in three days.  (one wasn’t really a party..) I’m going to another tomorrow. Crazy, huh?? I weigh enough to turn on the passenger airbag. I’ve never been able to do that. I was so freaked out I scared my mom. Sorry for the lack of posts. I got a cell phone (samsung Gravity one) with unltd text. I’m an addict…

I’m about to watch dear john. I have recently discovered a new love for Pulled Pork and Shirley Temples. yummy!

TTFN!

<3 Amanda

Buffet Recap or GASP! part 2

Once I got there they had tables with photo books and it was a mad scramble to find the ones you were in. It turned into a mad little game. The goal was to see if you could get your photos before anyone else realized how hideous you look. (great self-esteem booster!) They had orderves, but it was too late and I had no clue where they were!

FOOD: London Broil (I tried to go for smaller pieces) 4 pieces of Pineapple, Potato slices (about 8. I ate 4) a roll with butter, water, lemonade, and Shirley Temple (sprite and cherry juice!!). They gave out little Hershey kisses too. I had 2 of them.

AWARDS: I received the High Honor Roll (all As in the 4th quarter), Presidential Silver  (an A/B average) and Highest grade in Language arts in my class! I went down a loong line and hugged all the teachers!

Miss you all!

W vs S tally: W: 0 S: 2

<3 Amanda

**GASP!**

Alright, I’m hyperventilating!! I’m gong to a BUFFET! I know, “what?psst no biggie!” Buffets are the greatest judgers. If you go back for seconds/load your plate they think “Oh, they’re going for SECONDS?” or “They got that much?” 

I hate that silent judgement. Also, they’re giving out awards at the buffet, for character and grades and such. I have no clue if everyone gets one or not! What if I’m the only one who doesn’t??

You can see why the post is entitled “**GASP!**” . So, wish me luck! 

Also the current tally on Wii vs Scale is   W: 0 vs S:1

Make sure to weigh your opinion! (no pun intended…)

<3 Amanda

Cooking and Batter

I just made 2 batches of Blondie Brownies with my Mom because my teacher really wanted my mom to bring some to Rehearsal tomorrow. I even did the unthinkable ATE THE BATTER and CHOCOLATE CHIPS!!! I’d been debating whether to eat it but I did! It’s a short break before Batch #3 and I won’t be eating any of that. (Dinner’s coming up soon) I’m ridiculously happy! It’s been about a month or so since I had chocolate morsels, and I just had about seven. They were great.

Did YOU conquer the unthinkable recently?

<3 Amanda

Wii vs Scale

The Wii Fit can weigh you and tell you your BMI and if you’re under/over weight. The scale gives you a number. So does the Wii. Which one do I believe?? They say two different things, which are super different. (I’m talking 10 pounds different!) I need your help so I can know which one to rely on and whether to freak out or not. I went to an amusement park yesterday and it was SO FUN! I bought a giant chocolate bar and spent hours in the water park!

Amanda

(which one: Scale or Wii? Cast your vote!)

Weeding, raking, yanking..oh my!

I’ve been gardening (forcibly) for the past half hour ish which feels like a day. My mom declares I “need more sun, need to be outside” but I disagree. It stinks. Wish me luck! She’s calling me back and we can’t really stop until my dad gets back-who knows how long that’ll be!

Amanda

What song should I sing next (see “music in my Ears”)